Success Stories in Overcoming Severe Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome
I wrote to you several weeks ago sharing my story of how my ex has used parental alienation. It is amazing that your description of an “obsessed alienator” totally describes my ex husband. He has every one of your characteristics. It enrages me how court systems do not recognize this when dealing with children of divorce.
I have good news that I wanted to share with you. My sixteen-year old son that I told you about called me this past Sunday night. (Remember, I have not seen him for two years.) He told me that he wanted to come visit me. I was in total shock. I asked him why, and he explained that he has been doing a lot of thinking. He knows that he is very confused and not sure why he wants to come. He told me that he was scared to tell his father because he thought he would be mad. Jerry, my son, said that his daddy was all right with his decision. My ex-husband is not all right with the decision. I recently received papers from his attorney where they had filed contempt charges against me. In November when the last court order was entered, I was ordered to pay $2500 to my ex’s attorney. (By the way, my ex was the one that
initially started the last court proceedings, stating that my husband and I are unfit, et. alcoholics, and drug addicts.) I, in turn, filed papers for custody because of the emotional abuse. Anyway, his attorney is trying to stop visitation because of the monies that I still owe him.
The reason that I am writing is to let you know that perseverance does pay off. I have continually, for the past seven years, always let my children know that I love and miss them. Over the past two years, I have also continued my correspondence and telephone calls to my 16-year old. I have spoken with him on his birthdays, holidays and almost every week. I never sent my other two children something without sending Jerry something. He has never been forgotten and he knows that I love him.
Jerry will be coming up to see me this April. I know that it is the beginning of the rebuilding of our relationship. I told him that I knew that his decision was a very difficult one, but that I was so proud of him for trying to discover his own answers to the questions he has. My ex used Jerry the most and I know, of my three children, he suffers the most.
Although my story is not what you might call a “Success story,” to me, it is. Fighting the Georgia court systems is not only discouraging; but also, sickening. I can remember sitting in the Judge’s chambers two years ago and being told by the Judge, “I don’t care what you believe, Ms. Smith, your children DO NOT like you and do not want to visit you. “How is that for a Judge’s professional opinion? Fortunately, I kept fighting and having hope. There were many times when I did not want to face another day and prayed to God to just let me die. With the help of a wonderful woman, (who, by the way, is my therapist) I have been strengthened by the pain I endured. It is a strange thing to have to experience such horrific pain, to enjoy the pleasures in life. Years ago, I would have been so happy just to have seen a good report card from Jerry. Now, I am ecstatic because I get to look at him and touch him. Yes, I do feel my story is a true success story, and, perhaps you will find it in a bookstore one day.
For now, I look forward to seeing my son walk off that airplane: but, I have learned to take one day at a time. And if, by chance, I find a day of sadness, I know, “This to shall pass.” I hope you have a wonderful day, keep up the good work, and as always thanks for listening. Please feel free to share my story with any of your patients who feel that they cannot make it just one more day.
Jacki made some important points in her letter. First, she never gave up. This is important and the point Jacki was making. Many times, years later, kids realize how much they miss their other parent. Sometimes, they will contact the other parent just because they are curious. Regardless of the reasons, many alienated parents end up with loving relationships with their children after years the alienation. In fact, the alienation may backfire where the child feels bitter and resentful against the custodial parent for not being allowed to have a loving relationship with both parents. The second point Jacki made was the importance of acknowledging birthdays and Christmas, even if you don’t see your children. Let them know you are alive and care. Don’t disappear. If you think the custodial parent is not giving your children cards and gifts, sent them certified with a signed receipt or arrange for someone to make the deliveries. The last point I want to make is that Jacki’s story is an example where the male or father is the alienator. Alienation is not something that only women do to men. Men too can alienate.
Continue reading Success Stories in Overcoming Severe Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome